Sunday, August 26, 2012

Excellence, For Your Perusal

A vague title, yes, but it's because I have a ton of pure randomness to share, so the title would have been far too long to include it all.

We'll start with food, which, you know, not rare!

MARKS AND SPENCERS, aka "THE DEVIL" (in a good way)

Marks and Spencers had only been a myth, up until I moved here. I'd never been in one, and somehow managed to not go into the one here for two and a half months. And then, it happened. One lunch hour, I remembered a family member who visited telling me how amazing the food was there. Unfortunately, they were bang-on!

I've been trying to find pictures of the heaven bits (not their real name, though it would definitely apply!), but there aren't any good ones!

What I can show you is this...


































This is my food drawer at the office, right beside my desk, filled with just bad personal choices.

The first is on the left, some "Popchips" like things, cheese and onion flavoured. Those are relatively healthy, at 90 calories a bag. To the top left is something I spent $15.99 on just for the tin (love it!), and was then told there were giant shortbread cookies in it. Bonus!

Below that are the best little pieces of heaven, ever. The left of the two are these, well, you know the Crunchie chocolate bar? Some genius (not sure why I didn't think of it!) put that candy sponge deliciousness into little pieces, like a chocolate covered raisin. Woah, did they get into my face quickly! Speaking of chocolate covered raisins, those are on the right. Also delicious, but if I had to choose which to take with me on a deserted island, I would chose the crispy bit thingies, pas de questionnes (yes, that is the extent that I speak French, even though I could have looked up the proper spelling on Google. Let's blame it on I don't care).

ROMEO & JULIET, OUTDOOR BALLET STYLE

Alright, let's get some stuff straight here before I go on.

a) The only reason I understand Romeo and Juliet is because Leonardo DiCaprio is handsome.
b) The only reason I understand the ballet enough to not ask questions all the way through, is because I'm a grown-up and know not to. If I were ten, there would have been questions.

I went to this ballet because the last ballet I went to was when I was very young. When I say young, I mean it in that I asked my father during the Nutcracker, about ten minutes in, "... when do they start talking?"

Yeah.

Anyhow, I tagged along with a lovely group of woman, we had dinner first, and then cabbed 'er on over to Fort Hamilton for the show. It was a great show, under the stars, lovely ballet dancers, and a lot of man-bums. I'm sorry, it needs to be said! Spandex, like, extreme spandex, and little ballet-man bums, it was distracting!

Clearly, Bermuda has not made me a more mature woman.

Moving on.

When it was done, we caught the most adorable little tourist train back to town. This is the only show I got, as my iPhone doesn't appear to favour the night.























Behind that tree is half of the set! Any time Juliet spends in her bedroom/chambers, which is a fair amount, was directly behind that GD tree!

Near the end, when she's all, "Ohhh, I must drinketh this poison...", I moved, I wanted to see this woman dance. Again, I'm an seriously lacking in ballet knowledge, but I think she was brilliant. The stand "O" at the end of the performance would be a hint, at least to me.

A small rant begins below:

I'm tall. A lot tall. So, when I go out to venues where there are even-levelled seating, I always sit at the back, to spare those who may be shorter behind me the rage of having to duck back and forth behind my head. I've been told that this is a rare thing, thinking of other people in that regard, in those situations. Fine, so I'm nice sometimes.

Because of this niceness, I did this at the ballet. Sat at the back, and a few of the lovelies that I was with sat back there with me. Very nice of them.

Off I go to get a drink, can of Sprite, thank you, and I come back to a man taller than me, sitting directly in front of me! I'm sorry Karma, have I done something to offend you?

So, I'm the idiot ducking from side to side behind this jerk (maybe he's nice, but at that moment, he was a super jerkface), and then not being able to see Juliet because of that pisser of a palm tree.

I'll say this, tall guy, if you read this (yeah, pipe dream that is), be nicer to the human population. Self-awareness, hellooooo!

Rant over.

SATURDAY & SUNDAY WEEKEND FUNDAY!

Poetry at it's best folks...

This Saturday was excellent. The ballet was the end of it, so that we've already covered. Let's chat early Saturday. I slept. Boy did I sleep.

I realized quickly that I was no longer 16, so I got up and went about the day. I walked to the ferry dock area, and had a delicious toasted croissant with ham and cheese from D'Angelini's. They are lovely people in there. Well, most of them.

Then I sat by the water...


(There sure were a lot of rich people on that here yacht/catamaran situation. I could almost hear them laughing at the "little people" on the shore. This is of course a gross generalization of rich people, who in most cases have probably worked very hard for their money, but, it's how I felt at the moment, when I was sans a great boat ride afternoon!)

After the water sitting and rich people watching, I decided that I should check out a mall near by. See, a "mall" in Toronto is this monstrosity of a building, filled with things that only a fifth of the population would actually buy, yet somehow the stores stay in business. In Bermuda, the Washington mall is a very small iteration of that, with more than mildly useful items.

What I love about Bermuda is that almost every store along the two main east/west running roads can be entered on either of the two parallel streets, Reid or Church. It's brilliant.

I remembered that someone mentioned a candy store, that also sold toys. Yet another series of great choices began. I bought some candy (through truly, I knew I would be at the ballet with a group of women who love candy, so it wasn't a wholly selfish decision, and boy this they love the candy!), and then I bought the best, most useless child's toy ever invented...


















Yeah, I own this now. This Koosh ball, make of plastic strings, and brilliance. Note the "ages 3 and up" label.

Hells yeah.

After reverting back from being six years old, I walked into this spectacular maze of stores that I'm not even sure has a name. I had no idea about it until my family was out shopping one day, found it, and then took me later on. It's this miss-mash of Hallmark-like stores, book stores, furniture stores, and just some overall excellent things. I found this chair...



I love this chair. Guys, it's a "leather" (for the price, there's absolutely zip way that it's real leather) rocking chair. And I fit in it. And it's comfortable. And it must be mine!

We'll see what happens with that. I'm mulling it over.

Let's break from Bermuda talk for a moment and discuss my love for random chairs. Back in the day, well, a couple of years ago, I was walking by this store in Toronto, on the same street that I was living on at that time, and saw this chair.



I bought it, because, HELLO, it's beautiful, and the kicker, it was $1400 for $199! Yeah! Who in their right mind would turn that down? Well, a normal person. I had nowhere to put it. Then I ended up having somewhere to put it when I was condo-livin' downtown Toronto, that was short lived, because as you all well know, I now live in Bermuda. My Ma is guarding that piece of magnificence for me until I come back. Lovely of her! I refused to sell it, unlike every other piece of furniture before I left.

Moral of the above, I suppose, is that I shouldn't buy this excellent "leather" rocking chair. Right? I mean, not only do I not really need it, but, I would have to ship that jerk back to Toronto, at likely three times the cost of the chair itself, whenever I'm back.

I suppose I could just charge up the ol' laptop, take it with me to the store every weekend, and hang out in the chair? No one will have a problem with that, right?

:(



Monday, August 13, 2012

Food, Fun and St. Horhay's

Okay fine, technically it's St. George's, but how much more fun is it to read it as "St. Horhay's"?

A ton more fun. Clearly.

Alright, this post is going to consist of food talk, mostly, then some explanations of fun, and some pictures of a beautiful part of the island.

THE YUMMIEST FOOD IN THE LAND
These are my favourite restaurants in Bermuda, and what I recommend on the menu. The food here is so delicious, it makes me literally want to find a real-life way of making that lickable wallpaper from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

"The snozberries taste like snozberries!"

Click here to see the brilliance

(Man do I want to slap that Veruca Salt!)

I should be a professional digresser. Here's that list:

1) Pearl Sushi
    •  www.portocall.bm
    •  While I can't speak for their management, I can speak for their food
    •  The secret roll (not the name of it, can't share that!), is not on the menu, and is the best sushi ever
    •  The Tuna Tar Tar is delicious
    •  The Salmon Tataki, not something that I thought I'd like, but I do!

2) Seabreeze
    •  www.mandarinoriental.com
    •  I've discussed this before, many times, but I would be remiss to not mention it on this list
    •  The tapas (Friday nights) menu with their beef screwers, lamb patties and spareribs are amazing
    •  Fondue, if it were socially acceptable to stick my face in a pot of chocolate, that would have happened.

3) Flanagan's Irish Pub
    •  www.flanagans.bm
    •  The Bermudian Rockfish with the Tuscan seasoning, so delicious!
    •  The Buffalo wings, while spicy, are very, very good!
    •  They have a delicious vinaigrette, mixed with mayo which makes it creamier, holy manalive!

4) Ascots
    •  www.ascots.bm
    •  I had the ribeye, medium-rare, very delicious. It's no Jacob's in Toronto, but good!

5) The Pastry Shop
    •  www.cpastrybermuda.com
    •  I've mentioned this too many times, but it's for a great reason!
    • Their chicken panini and dolce de leche eclair are crazypants good!

6) House of India
    •  www.tripadvisor.ca
    • Butter chicken, by far the best I've ever had, not that I rock Indian food all that often
    •  They have this "Family Naan", which is, and I'm not exaggerating, about 1.5 feet wide, and delicious!

7) Dangelini's
    •  www.facebook.com/Dangelinis
    •  They make a mean chicken fajita wrap, with a spicy (your mouth will burn) mayo, delicious!
    •  They make a mad peanut butter and chocolate chip cookie, soft, melty, spectac!
    •  Donut holes, they're not like TimBits, they're much more dense, and super deep-fried. Yum!

This is a picture of The Pastry Shop chicken panini:






EXCELLENT FUN THINGS OF NOTE!

FUN THING NUMBER ONE
That this exists...


































On the back, in huge type it says, "Lively Up Yourself".

This is more funny perhaps to me because there's a dude here that I know, who carries around a Marley backpack and sports pretty close to the same hair. I almost bought these to share the excellence!

Too good.

FUN THING NUMBER TWO
That this exists...


































You guys, this is real. Not only is it real, there are multiple colour options! Each leaf is cut out individually. I went back to Dockyard for that yummy panini, and this was in one of the stores, selling things to humans.

I, I mean I feel bad for saying... no, no I don't. This is really something!

FUN THING NUMBER THREE
That this isn't a fake photo! I took this on Saturday afternoon. It was HOT!


































FUN THING NUMBER FOUR
A night of salsa dancing! My roommate took lessons and was part of the show (and did an excellent job!), as well as professional dance groups from Toronto, Montreal and NYC. I had an absolute blast!


These guys were from Montreal. The guy in the middle is the choreographer, and was quite the handsome gentleman!





















These kids couldn't have been more than 13 years old, and they were incredible! The dude has this most spectacular mohawk. Love!
























FUN THING NUMBER FIVE

This is for those who enjoy el boozeo! I don't drink the stuff, but this is an example of how much Bermuda loves their wine! There are two drinks in Bermuda (neither of which have anything to do with wine, oddly enough), that are most popular. They are the Dark 'N' Stormy, and the Rum Swizzle. When my aunt was here she asked someone in a liquor store what the Bermudian beer was (completely valid question), and the person said, "The Bermudian beer is rum."

Bah! Brilliant.

Anyhow, here is a shot of the "wine rack" at the local grocery store. Yeah, this isn't even a wine store!



A DAY AT ST. HORHAY'S

St. Georges is an absolutely beautiful part of Bermuda. It's a bit of a trek, out by the airport on the east end of the island.

(I have a much larger version of this map if anyone wants one, great detail and tons of area description!)

This is the main part of the town of St. Horhay's.

I'll end this post with a few gems that I think you'll all enjoy!Click here for awesome number one!Click here for awesome number two!The 90's called, they want me to get a life!


Saturday, August 4, 2012

I Just Ate Ten Cookies

Well, I'm 30 now, which means that this blog should come to you written in a very mature, knowledgeable and distinguished form.

Eff that noise! Nope.

What it does mean though, is that I can eat ten cookies in a row if I want. I mean I could do that before, but somehow I feel more allowed now that I'm 30. Oh, and more ashamed, let's not forget more ashamed.

Now that I've said that, the title of this post has nothing to do with the rest of the below content, so enjoy the surprises now before you!

I AM 30, LOOK THE HELL OUT!

Yes, I'm 30! Not a big deal, no rice being thrown over my head as I walk out of a house of prayer or anything, but I feel like it's a pretty big deal, one that I was lucky enough to share with some of the people closest to me in my life. Pops, Edgar, Paula and a new friend Lea, thank you for making my birthday even more amazing this year. I love you guys!

Now, on to less sappy and more wicked-awesome-holy-moly things!

I have a new favourite spot in Bermuda. It's nothing to write home about, and I'm quite sure that I may be taking over a local homeless gentleman's spot when I sit there. Nevertheless, it's a small bench near the water, along Front St. It's where I sit and it hits me, I live in BERMUDA! You guys, the people who really know me, did you see this coming, at all? I didn't! I haven't got a clue how I got here, but I am damn-well happy that I did! None of this is being taken for granted, I can assure you that.

I was chatting with a couple of ladies at a loverly dinner a while back, and I said something about that moment, that I was having a "moment" right then. It's when it really clicks in that we actually get to have this experience. By whatever means we individually arrived here, we are a few very lucky girls.

I've taken to calling those moments the "holy-shit!" moments. Catchy, really. Feel free to use it, preferably not in front of children. Oh hell, never mind, they'll have to learn it sometime, might as well be from someone as classy and lady-like as me!

I digress. Enough of that, here are some pictures of/from my favourite little spot!























Apparently you can just, you know, walk into the water... right where all of the boats, and more specifically, a huge cruise ship docks? Sure, I mean, go for it, bravest person in existence!
















And then out of nowhere, I became "the crazy bird lady of Front Street"! I have no idea what happened, but I turned around and it went from no birds to all of these birds! I had no food, and I don't recall being dressed like a nest!

As I walked home from my lovely new spot, and with a lovely new title, I came across these beautiful flowers in front of the Ernst & Young building. Ironic, that the first is called Bird Of Prey, after the birds that came to attack me just above!



















"JANE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT!"

... is from Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin on Saturday Night Live in 1977. This is precisely how I felt this weekend when I went to Dockyard with the family.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k80nW6AOhTs

"Hayley, you ignorant slut!"

There was so much more to Dockyard than I knew from my previous visits!

Below are some shots of the beautiful parts that I had missed, and the shops that I somehow, honestly I must be blind, did not even know were there!

PS. I now have a scarf obsession (bought two at the Dockyard market), trumped only by my obsession for those ten cookies that I ate, the namesake cookies of this post.

 These appear to be the things that the yacht and boat repair guys find at the bottom of the ocean, or on random boats that are abandoned. Love it.

This guy (didn't get his name), is a Bermudian artists who works right out of the gallery at Dockyard. His palette is almost as beautiful to me as his paintings.


This thing raises boats. It's quite amazing to see in person, a huge boat just being lifted above the water.
























These are the shops that I had no idea existed. It was this huge building full of Bermudian trinkets, different scarves, treats and treasures.

Speaking of scarves, here is my collection. The new ones from this shop are the grey/flowered (second) and brown/flowered ones (last). I love them! I hang one off of the bag that I carry every day. It has a dual-purpose, as a pretty decoration, and as a place for me to temporarily place my sweat as the hot-as-all-hell days continue to occur here in Bermuda.





TAPAS & FONDUE, WELCOME TO MY FACE!

I've mentioned Seabreeze at Elbow Beach before, the magnificent restaurant overlooking the ocean.

I took the family so that they could taste what I wouldn't shut up about. I won't go through my favourites on their menu again*, but I will say that it is more than delicious. I insisted that this time, we get the fondue for the table. Boy, am I a genius!

Well, technically the people who invented chocolate, the concept of melting it and then dipping random edible stuff in it are the genii (yeah, that is the plural for "genius").

I don't have any shots of the food, as I was to busy getting it into my face as quickly as my man-hands could take it, but I do have some shots of the beautiful beach at sunset.








































At this point in this post, I would like to "Babe Ruth" two things. (Babe Ruth, a world-famous baseball player, hit a home run after calling his shot by pointing into the outfield, http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=3218817).







Firstly, let's all presume that I will get married at some point, I don't know when, or to whom, but I am "Babe Ruthing" that when/if I do, it will be here, at Seabreeze, in Bermuda. This next picture is of what clearly was the marrying place for some happy couple, left up after they left in holy matrimony.




















Secondly, I'm "Babe Ruthing" that I will have a bike (to Canadian's, a scooter) one day, and I want it to be this one, that I took a picture of in the pretty-close-to-dark, so pardon the graininess.









WELL, A FISH BIT MY ASS

No, for serious. Well, it bit about five inches south of the left cheek. Got right the hell out of the water after that!

Now, to get that glorious picture out of your minds (you're welcome), here are some beautiful shots of Church Bay.
























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