In that time, I have learned a lot of things about the ways of the island. Some things, not worth sharing, others, here ye be:
1. Taxi's only take cash. I still have no idea how much to tip. I'm pretty sure that I'm overdoing it.
2. The vast majority of restaurants add a 15%-18% gratuity, whether you like it/them/him/her or not. Quite sure I tipped a woman 35% one night, not having a clue of this lovely custom. Lesson learned!
3. When someone says "good morning" or "good afternoon", it would behoove you to reciprocate.
4. American dollars are accepted as equivalent to Bermudian, but Bermudian is so much prettier!
5. There are a lot of ants. All of the time. Everywhere. Wash everything that food may have touched and put it away immediately. And for the love of all good things, do not look them directly in the eye.
6. The ferry and bus routes still confuse me. Perhaps I shouldn't be allowed out (www.gov.bm, tell me that bus schedule isn't a little whackadoodle).
7. There's a very smart woman here who created this www.nothingtodoinbermuda.com. There are also other smart women, but this woman stands out.
8. Pearl, a sushi place, will make you cry rainbows of happiness out of your taste buds.
9. Cruise ships come in every day on different part of the island, unleashing angry Americans, for the most part, who don't want to pay the Bermudian prices for coffee that is located directly off of their cruise ship. Did they not think that perhaps Bermuda has figured out that tourists come here, all of the time, and has possibly done what every other tourist city has, and chosen to create what is called a "tourist trap"? Are the Americans immune, these cruise ship folk with their way-too-tiny-bathingsuits, to these conventions of vacationing? Shut up and order your $6 latte so that I can get my $12 chicken wrap. Move.
10. Miles grocery store is delicious (it's the Pusateri's of Bermuda). Their roast beef cold cuts are from a freshly made roast beef, with just enough pink on the inside. If the next time you see me I have a piece of roast beef hanging out of my face, it's best to assume that it's just what I look like now.
11. The beaches either charge for chairs and umbrella's or they don't have them at all. Either get ready for some pretty uncomfortable butt-crack anger, or bring a big, fun beach towel. My towel is orange!
12. If you go to a restaurant and ask for "water", be prepared to pay approximately $9 for a bottle of fancypants water. It would behoove (second use of the word, thank you) you to ask specifically for "tap" water. You may get a look, but sometimes a look is worth saving $9.
13. Sunscreen should be so your best friend, that it sleeps over when you're nine and you fight about which movie to watch.
14. Every Wednesday night is Harbour Nights on Front St. in Hamilton. This consists of a stage with a 60 year old man gyrating (at least tonight... it was interesting), but for the most part they close the road down around 6pm, and vendors sell food, jewelry, bags, clothes, lots of stuff. It appears to be every Wednesday until September. Party!
15. Happy hour appears to occur every night at 5pm. Everywhere. It's quite impressive, actually.
16. The Rum Swizzle is a popular drink, which can apparently sneak up on you, due to all of the "hidden" rum. I had one, milked it for three hours, so, not so much for me. Plus the gigantism, you know.
17. I saw a woman get off of a cruise ship today, walk by human beings (I point that out because she was more than aware that real eyes could see her), with literally half of each ass-cheek hanging out of her cut-off jean shorts. A note, people work here, people live here, try to have half an ounce of respect for the fact that this is a city where people and children use their eyes, all of the day long.
18. Don't go to the bank on lunch hour. By some confusing confuffle of human logic here in Bermuda, almost everyone in the bank will be on lunch at the same time as you are. If you feel like being "huff and puff" buddies with a bunch of anxious people in an anger line, give it a go!
19. If you don't ride a scooter (known here as a bike), expect to get hit by one. They are everywhere. I haven't been hit yet, but I'm becoming quite the scooter-dodger (coined it!)
20. A sidewalk here is the equivalent to a life-saver on a tiny, banged-up boat in the middle of the Atlantic, during a massive storm. Grab hold of that mother for as long as it's available to you. When it's gone, say your prayers.
And with that, I leave you to memorize all of this for when you visit me :D
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